Life, no matter how short or long, flutters by. A love one is hanging with us one moment and is suddenly wrapped in a chrysalis the next.
Ecclesiastes 12:7 "and the dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it."
We can take heart that Jesus takes children into His loving arms and we will see them someday again.
"David said, "while the baby was still alive, I fasted and I cried. I thought, 'who knows? maybe the Lord will feel sorry for me and let the baby live." But now that the baby is dead, why should I fast? I can't bring him back to life. Someday, I will go to him, but he cannot come back to me.'' 2 Samuel 12:22-23
Honestly, I do not feel like it is my business to know if someone I loved went to heaven or hell. Of course, I hope Heaven is everyone's final destination and I hope that my journey of faith served as a strong witness for all to know the amazing grace of salvation through Jesus Christ was his or her to claim as well.
However, I am a realist who knows that I can never be certain whether a loved one (at the age of accountability) will emerge from their chrysalis as a beautiful butterfly that rises into Heaven or a moth that is drawn to the eternal flame. Because of God's gift of free will, that is a decision, that is between Jesus and him or her.
Regardless of our loved ones' final destination, the pain of their absence is real in the now of life. This pain can be very intense. Their role in our life's story never seems to be long enough. The reality that we will never see them again, can be overbearing. There were words that we never got to say. Words we wishes would not have been said. Bucket lists with too many unchecked boxes.
The empty seat that is left behind impacts every seat still occupied at the table and many other seats at others tables. Hearts ache. Heads question. Hands remain empty, eyes long to see-once more, her smile. Ears longs to hear-his laugh. Tears flow. All a person's emotions cycle like a crazy rollercoaster.
People are more than just the words in an obituary. It is not enough. Even a memorial service does not seem to do our love ones justice. They are more than a piece of paper framed on a hung wall or letter after their name. They are more than the job they held, the education they obtained or the success or failures they had. They were the impacts they made in the lives around them.
They were:
a coworker, a supporter
a neighbor, the neighbor watchdog
a friend, the best friend
a teacher, the mentor
a helper, the hero
a daughter, a son
a spouse, the soul mate
a mother, a father
a grandmother, a grandmother
a great grandmother, a great grandfather
and so much more.
Like with King David, we cannot bring love ones back from the dead, no matter how much we fast or cry out to God. There are people may be like King David and be able to rise and go on living shortly after a love one dies; however, most people need more time to mourn. No matter what your mourning look like or how long you need, take the time God has given you to do so. Even Jesus mourned for Lazarus and he knew he was there to bring him back to life.
John 11:33-34, "When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also, weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. Where have you laid him?' he asked. Come and see, Lord," they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, 'See how he loved him."
When God wants you to stop mourning and getting back into to living, He will let you know.
It is difficult to move on from mourning even when God instructs you to. May I offer you a gift that may help you. There is something that the chrysalis (grave) cannot take. This gift is the memories of the loved one we have acquired. Memories help a love one live on.
The chrysalis leaves a film behind in the mind of those who its caterpillar encountered.
"The memory of the righteous is a blessing, but the name of the wicked will not." Proverbs 10:7
When a person serves as a source of love in our lives, they have a place in our hearts. A place that death cannot steal or take without our permission. Those who we treasure also have a place in our minds. This is a blessing to those who are left behind. The film their chrysalis cannot take serves as the connection we have to them even after they are gone. They continue living in the moments we shared with them. Our senses can cause us to feel like that person's spirit is among us.
The eyes that see a familiar object- his favorite movie, her favorite book. The ears that hear familiar words-her favorite song or his favorite quote. The nose that smells the pie she always made for Thanksgiving or his favorite cake he always asked for on his birthday. The hands that touch his favorite T-shirt or the shoes she wore for every anniversary dinner.
Memories are frozen in a camera's film. Captured minutes in time. The photos that remind us of her smile bring back the warmth of her presence. The photo of friends with silly poses that trigger the echo of his laugh in one's head and gives us with a smile despite our tear-soaked face. The photo that takes us back to the road trip that summer. The photo of the cabin that grandpa built with his own hands that hosted several family reunions. The picture of kayaking on the river when time stopped and everyone was happy. A picture of a vacation condo that reminds us of their favorite beach. .
Memories can also serve as second-hand blessings. Grandpa's stories that begin, when I was your age... we learn to appreciate his wisdom of a long life as we get older. The time when grandma taught us how to bake homemade cookies. A recipe that was passed down from generation to generation starting with her great grandmother. The history classes that teach us about the heroes of yesterday that helps us know that freedom is never free. The biographies of holocaust survivors whose stories warn us to be aware of power-hunger governments. The news stories of overcomers who inspire us to keep getting up when we get knocked down.
2 Timothy 1:3-5 "I thank God, whom I serve, as my ancestors did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. Recalling your tears, I long to see you so that I may be filled with joy. I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and I am persuaded, now lives in you also."
God's presence can, also, be in their chrysalis film. Their testimony that touched the hearts of strangers. A mission trip that helped provide aide for earthquake victims or provide safe shelter and food for refugees. A person who reaches out to tell you about the time he helped them. Like all the times, that she was praying for God's help and he bought groceries to her house when her family had no food to eat or the time when she was about to kill herself because she felt like no one shall her; yet, on her way back home he smiled at her and stopped to talked to her. His invitation to attend his church was the reason she learned about Emmanuel.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart. I have overcome the world." John 16:33
God is available to us anywhere, anytime, for any reason. It does not matter our mood. Gratitude has a time, but so does grief. We cannot disturb him during a more important task. He welcomes us when we are happy, sad, or angry. We can ask him why or when or how (even if He doesn't response in the way we want Him to, he hears us). We can release our burden through silence tears and he will take them for us. He longs for us to tell me about our troubles and ask for his help. He wants to proof his love and remind us that we are not alone in them. Even death is no match for him. He gave us Jesus, who has already gone ahead of us and clear away all the debris that will keep us from His presence.
Our memories are like a rear-view that serves as a tool to remind us of all the times that God was there for us. The rear-view mirror also serves as our testimony to others. Second- hand stories that are meant to be passed down generation to generation to share the goodness of God. These memories works as proof that He can be trusted to provide for us and He is good to keep His promises.
"I remember to think about the many things you did in years gone by. Then I lift my hands in prayer because my soul is a dessert, thirsty for water from you."
Psalm 143: 5-6 reminds us how valuable our memories are.
We when are struggling with the harshness of this world, we have our memories. When we do not think we can move on, we can have a peek in our rear-view mirror and see all that God has already gotten us through. No matter who leaves before we do, we have the film in our mind of the moments we share with them. We can play that anytime we wish. No matter what happens to us in this life, we can choose to emerge as a butterfly, drawn to loving arms of our savior, Jesus Christ. A grace that the chrysalis cannot take from us.
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