My Story, His Glory

Part III: Jesus to the Rescue

Our daughter developed a severe rash during our time apart. The doctor said that it could be MRSA, but wanted to try a strong antibiotic and a tropical ointment. At that time, I still believed God was a God of judgment and punishing me for remaining separated from my husband despite the promise that I made to him that I would do anything he asked to me. So, I promised God that I would return to Rob. and begged him to heal my daughter's severe rash. When I returned to my husband, he agreed to counseling and our daughter’s rash cleared up.

Counseling seems to help for a time, but it didn’t last long. From 2008-2010, we went through the cycle of separation and counseling. I would grow tired of who my husband was and how he treated the kids and me. After convincing myself that I had heard God wrong, I would leave him. Then, I would recall that pamphlet and return. We got counseling again. We even moved down to the valley. A forty-minute commute to Rob’s work. Nothing helped.

In 2010, I was desperate for some God-given counseling, so I went to seek the advice of a pastor regarding my marriage. I told the pastor about Rob and how we treated the kids as well as myself. I also mentioned my dream about him dying and how God told me to stay with him until he does. Before I could say anything about the pamphlet and the sign, he something like, “Wouldn’t that be nice. I mean it would be easier for you.” He recommended that I get a divorce.

I saw his point, but I never thought it would be easier for me. I was a stay-at-home mom who had been unemployed for years and I never got a college degree. At the same time, I was consumed with guilty. At that time, I wanted Rob to die. I hated the way he treated the kids and me. The only reason that I was staying with Rob was because I thought he was going to die. I didn't like that true about myself. It wasn’t right and it was fair to the kids or him. So, I filed for divorce.

Yet, even on the way to meet with the lawyer, my soul felt uneasy. I went through with filing the paperwork anyhow. I didn’t sleep very well. My stomach was in knots, my heart burned, and I couldn’t even pray. That pamphlet and a church sign that said, “God keeps His promises are you keeping yours?’ haunted my thoughts.

Rob handled the news better than I thought he would and my restless spirit couldn't find peace. I told myself that if I went back to Rob, I was committed to seeing it through as long as God wanted me to. I didn’t go through with the divorce. After Rob and I got back together, we both looked at our marriage differently. I found the peace I was missing and I slept better. That was until one night.

On that night, I had woke up slightly from a different dream on stomach when I started feeling like I was falling. A feeling that I had several times before. It usually went away in less than a minute, but this time it was different. This time, I felt like something grabbed me and pushed me down like I had been pushed out of a plane and was falling into a bottomless canyon. I kept falling into what looked like the inside of the earth. I could see fire burning and see lava oozing. I heard screaming. They weren’t blood-curling screams like those in a horror movie, they were deeper like that of a soul. They were so atrocious that I felt my soul trying to escape my body. I saw shadow or silhouettes of people on rock ledges who were crunched over or in a fetus position. I smell an unfamiliar smell. It was awful, worse than sulfur. I keep falling. There was a burning that come from inside of my bones and radiating out. My skin was covered with a burning itching, yet ice cold.

Suddenly, it went dark. I stopped falling. I was somehow aware that my heart had stopped beating. I cried out to God for help. Though, I knew that His presence wasn’t with me. My prayers seemed to only echo back at me. I knew I was in hell. I felt my soul leaving my body. In a desperate attempt, I called on Jesus. I said Jesus! Jesus, save me!’ Out of nowhere, I felt a warmth approaching me. Then, I felt a powerful gust stuck me like Jesus’s hand pushing me back up. It was so intense that I remember my body, that was lying on my back, being propelling into a sitting position as my heart started back up. When as the gust let go and I gasp, my head fell back on the pillow. It must have been something because Rob, who is a very heavy sleeper, woke up and asked if I was okay.

I replied, “I think so.”

It was in that moment that I realize without a doubt that Jesus was the Son of God. He had saved me, perhaps literally from the Hell I was in. I accepted Him as my Lord and savior. I am sharing this, not to make anyone afraid of Hell, but to share the unconditional love and my own experience of the depth of God’s love. He loved me, so much that He gave me that nightmare to show me that I needed not just to believe that Jesus Christ lived, but I needed to accept Jesus as Lord over my life.