Years ago, I had a dream, where I was hiking solo through a forest. With each step, I begin to gain elevation. Soon, I arrive in an open meadow with a cliff that overlooked a field below. I felt an urge inside me to move toward the edge where I was frozen by what I saw below. In the valley, there was a battle being fought. Hand to hand combat. It was horrific-bloody and frightening, even though, I stood high above it, I felt the suffering of it all. Part of me felt an desire to help, a large part of me wanted to turn away and seek comfort in my peaceful field, and another part wanted to know why this battle was going on. Yet, I just stood there. My attention was soon directed to a single solider. This solider wore the same Army uniform as the others around him, but there was something different about him that caused him to stand out. (at least to me). He did not have a gun or any other type of weapon that I could see. The object in his right hand was a bright torch. He lifted it high as he moved through the battlefield and he led the others by lighting the way. The torch in his possession exposed where the enemy that was hiding in the darkness as well as obstacles along their path..
Then, out of the blue, the solider was struck by a fatal wound and crashed to the ground. I could not tell you what it was that struck him. I was focused on the torch. I watched as his hand released the torch and it begin to fall. Time slow down like a scene in a slow-motion video as a soft voice spoke, 'Will you wave the white flag and surrender to the enemy? Will you pretend and blend in amongst them or will you catch the torch before it hits the ground?
I was baffled, all I could ask what, "why me?' I wanted to understand what was going on, so I would know what to do. But there was not any answer to my question. Only a feeling that I needed to grab that torch before it hit the ground. The dream remained in the back of my thoughts and would resurface from time to time.
As some point in the last few years, I went in the kitchen to get a drink of water before going to bed. In the darkness, I happened to look outside. Behind us is a church, so there are street lamps that turn on in the parking lot at dusk. Those lights allowed me to see a man. His body was turned toward the church and ,I swore, he was wearing an army uniform and a backpack.. I thought it was very strange, but thought it was best to let it be. The following morning I looked out the same window where the man was standing and saw a small tree. I dismissed it as a sign of exhaustion until one night, later in the year, my husband looked out our back slider at night and asked, 'what is that man doing there?' I was floored and replied, 'that is small tree.' It took some convincing for him to agree that it was a tree. The shape of the tree looked like a solider stand tall, staring at the church building. In autumn, the foliage falls and drifts away. The image of the solider goes with it (BTW, my husband is a very logic person).. From that point on, I wondered if that was a sign for God that I should take that dream seriously. So, I begin to pray about it.
Even since that dream, I have had other dreams where I am carrying a torch. One night, I was in a tunnel, another travel through a forest at night and another riding on horseback dressed as a warrior. I heard phrases in my dreams like, ' don't let his death go in vain.' 'do not let the light burn out.' 'Finish what he began.' 'You must light up the dark.'
Then, a week or so ago, I had stumbled upon a podcast with a woman who has dreams, I do not remember much of what she said but i heard her say something about God's people carrying a torch. I was reflecting on my dream and was getting ready to write this blog. I had a "daydream" (sorry, I do not like to use the word vision) In my daydreaming I was taken into clouds where I saw God's throne. He looked at me for a minute, smiled and pointed over to the solider as Jesus placed a crown on the soldier's head.. Then, Jesus led the solider into the clouds out of my view. That is when I heard God say, 'There is so much more work to be done. My daughter, my torch must not burn out. Will you take it battle for me? I answer, 'oh course, I will' Then, I was confused, I prayed and asked for some clarification. I wanted to know when, where, and how. But I knew that I wasn't going to get one, by now I should know God better than that. He is about trust. His reply was simply, 'When he falls, you will rise. Wait.'
God was a purpose for everyone. But, For His chosen people, He has a calling that he places on their hearts. That calling may be centered around bringing people to Jesus, but it may look very different. For some, the calling is a life in ministry. That ministry may be an international missions, a preacher, a stay-at-home mom or even a writer for a Christian blog. on the other hand, the calling may be found in a career.- local, state, or federal government job, a nurse, a law enforcement officer or a member of the armed forces.
Because God is limitless, there may be several parts of a calling on a person's life. As the season changes, the calling may increase or substract.
For me, my calling went from a marriage at a young age who enjoying working to a mother three years later who was baffled by a longing to stay home with my first child. God work that out and when my calling transformed again by adding another child and feeling a desire to become a preschool teacher which didn't work out, but I was able to do my own homeschool preschool for my two children. In the middle of that, I revived my passion for writing even with the additional two unexpected children in my calling, I still have a strong desire to carve out the time to write. And I still expect God was more to add or subtract from my calling.
God's callings can seem foggy. They are difficult to detect. A calling from God is not a telephone call from someone.. It can comes through a sermon or another person of God. It can comes to light when they is chaos or need in a person's community or country It can also, come out of in unexpected form like through dreams. It seems more like an encrypted message that only the Holy Spirit can decode. I believe that is the way God intends to be. As believers, we must be continuously in scripture, prayers and seek a relationship with God to know the calling.
Like the tree in autumn, one's calling, can seem to vanish. We can feel that we weren't worthy anymore, we did not have enough faith or God got tired of trying to convince us what He wanted us to do. Yet, if we remember what God show us and trust him, we know that the calling He gave to us is still for us. We must stay in that connection to know what direction our calling is taking us and we should try to embrace that we will not understand everything God is placing on our hearts or minds, and we should keep the faith to wait upon the Lord because His timing is perfect.
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